Too Deep Until Now

I only have one reoccurring dream. When it comes to me in my sleep, it takes over the fear of my reality when I wake. It seems so stupid when I tell people about it but it seems so real that it take me days sometimes to wrap my reality back into place. My reoccurring dream is that I did not graduate high school. When I wake, I believe it and I am encompassed with a deep filled anxiety that I am now in a dream and the reality is that I am back in high school and I didn't graduate and what is going on in my actual reality is nothing more than a projection of what my life could be.

I am 31. I have a wife, two children, two dogs, a cat and a fish. I also have a personality disorder. I don't really want to go into the specifics of the disorder or treatment or anything. That is not the point of this blog. I have a fear that one day I will be gone and there will be nothing left of me. I will not have a legacy. My name will not be in any history book. No one will write a song or movie about me. The fear that my reality may slip one day may be an inspiration for me to start writing or maybe just to make some sort of mark in this world, all be it a very very small one.

This will be made of all sorts of things. Memories of my youth will probably dominate but also music, movies, my family, sports and so forth. I don't imagine too many people will ever stumble across this and who knows how long I will keep up with it. I guess we will just see.